First, a warning that those burgers are junk food concocted by the "US imperialists" so-called (that's what they used to call America just several decades ago), and that it is bad for you!

Now, having gotten that out of the way... your Beijingologist has given McDonald's, Burger King and the somewhat suspect-in-name "Fatburger" a burger test trip as of late. Here are the Beijingologist's two fen on how they stack up:

McDonald's: The Regular

The Jing is dotted with McDonald's in about the same way as Taipei and the rest of Taiwan are littered with 7-11s. A Big Mac in Beijing is supposedly different from one in, say, Zurich, Switzerland, but your Beijingologist has no problems doing a Swiss one without making an un-Swiss mess, whereas the Chinese Big Macs are incredibly soft and the lettuce spill out, creating a tasty impromptu salad instead.

Save the lettuce, the burgers at McD (the "usual suspect": the hamburgers, cheeseburgers and their ilk) are unfortunately constantly the same and thus constantly ever so boring. If you're up for anything "new", anywhere outside Golden Arch Territory is an improvement. But for something to save you from malnutrition... well... there's nothing like something from McDonald's.

Burger King: The New Favourite

This is a Beijingologist fave: for 18 kuai, you get the classic Whopper. It caused a minor uproar in your Beijingologist's chest (or bits around it) at first, but that went through pretty quickly. (Not sure if this was related to the odd burger or not...)

Burger King's Whopper apparently was enough to give the Big Mac competition. While all burgers are evil "fat American" inventions so-called, the Whopper is apparently less evil as it comes with extra onions and tomato. Also, you can fully use the wrapping around it to finish about 90% of the burger — very different from the Big Mac, where any trace of suspect superbugs from that dirty banknote they gave you has to go down for the ride as well. The packaging is now on cardboard (it used to be in the worst materials when it came to recycling the stuff), but it still requires you to either go to the washbasin or risk la du zi after you finished your burger brunch.

Probably the only bad thing about BK is that there's not a lot of these guys around town. T3 had one to start with (and it's still going strong), and the U-Town one just opened. They could also do with some nicer music...

Fatburger: The "Mercedes" Burgers

Ever wanted a car that can sing on the highways in terms of the speed? Get a Mercedes (or Audi TT or R8 or somesuch). Ever wanted the Mercedes of burgers? Try the somewhat-overpriced Fatburger.

Like any high-end item, you get to customize your burger at Fatburger. (The only thing that's missing is the top of the burger bearing a Beijing Subway logo. But we digress.) You can opt for more cheese (or less), and more lettuce (always a Beijingologist fave as well).

Finally, you can challenge your stomach to the max by ordering an 80 kuai burger, which comes with three levels of meat. (It's the meat and its freshness that has jacked up the price of the average burger.)

The only harmonious Fatburger joint around Beijing is by the US embassy near Liangmaqiao. (Yes, non-Americans would visualize a million overweight Americans breaking the counter as they sit on it, waiting for their Triple Fatburger, but the expats your Beijingologist has seen there are less obese than "thought".)

The downers here are price, distance, plus a bad personal experience that caused treacherous pains on your Beijingologist after a Double Fatburger (already!...). Unless you've won the jackpot or something, the price (40 kuai at the very least) is enough to drive people away... especially those who want "just" a burger...

The Beijingologist favourite: Burger King.
(Now don't fail us, BK.)